How to Be Your Own Best Friend
Life is great at teaching us that we aren’t enough. We need “this product” to be confident, or “this service” to look good. Music is all about bragging these days (the cool whip, the hundred dollar bills, the Gucci belt, etc.). Social media is the capital of comparison, so don’t even get me started! It’s a wonder that we feel insignificant, isn’t it?
When you’re your own best friend it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Validation won’t have to come from others, but from yourself. And it doesn’t have to be difficult to make these changes.
Firstly, how is your mental state? How do you talk to yourself? I try to guide my inner voice as I would speak to any of my other friends. Would you tell your friend how horrible she did at work yesterday? Or how fat she looks? So don’t tell yourself that either. Work on noticing what that voice says, it’s very important when shaping your perspective. I dare you to look in the mirror today and tell yourself how much you love about you.
Questions to ask that inner voice:
Who am I? I know this one is loaded, but what’s the first concept that comes to mind?
Am I comfortable being alone with my thoughts? Why? Or why not?
Does my validation & confidence come from external sources? Or from me?
(I highly recommend journaling this if you need a deep dive!)
After your mindset work you can begin taking action. What does your morning and evening look like? Is it rushing to get to work? Or watching something on a screen until you drift into unconsciousness? Routines are vital. This is your morning and evening meeting with yourself. You are in full control of how your day goes, and how you prepare for tomorrow.
Here’s some good ideas for a routine:
Morning:
Set and alarm 30 minutes earlier
Write in a journal, or read something inspiring
Move your body (stretching, walking, whatever feels good)
Write out some affirmations and say them out loud
Evening:
Turn screens off 30 minutes before bedtime
Read or meditate to unwind
Say a few affirmations of how tomorrow will feel (“I’ll be so rested when I wake up.”, “Tomorrow will be great.”, etc.)
Lay out your outfit and materials needed for tomorrow
This routine can be anywhere from 10 minutes of your day to an hour, but either way it’s imperative for how you treat yourself.
The last step is simply being alone (and being okay with it). Finding a balance between alone time and social time is fantastic for your mental state. When you’re comfortable being alone with yourself it’s amazing what you can accomplish! Take yourself out to be alone and sit with it. Welcome that feeling. Being alone is essential to your mental health. It’s also helpful to rebuild that relationship between you and yourself (which can often get lost in everyday life).
You can start out at a coffee shop or a meal somewhere. Where would you want to take your best friend? Go there. It’s important to do these things for yourself and nourish the inner compassion. When you get to that place, simply enjoy your meal and observe. Try to notice your internal feelings. Watch people interact. You’re simply an outside perspective watching the world happen. While doing something like this by yourself, you don’t need validation from anyone and you can simply do whatever you want. It’s really a beautiful thing! Schedule some dates just with yourself and watch your outlook change.
No matter where you are in this process, it gets to be easy. You can start changing how you view yourself in this very moment. It can seem daunting but start with the first baby step. The space to create a relationship with yourself is the most important. Keep those boundaries. Do what feels right. Fully trust your intuition and judgement.
When you’re your own boo, the pressures of the world don’t seem so intense.
Be kind to yourself.